I read once that Maya Angelou, when writing her autobiography, locked herself in a hotel room with her bible and a bottle of sherry.  I love that picture, a brave woman facing herself with only a bible and a bottle.  I find myself doing that when the anger or pain gets too much-finding comfort in old texts and the occasional sip of vodka to steady my hand.  Sometimes that’s all you can do when fighting demons off.  Brandish your glass and say “To hell with you, death.  I’ve faced you before and I’ll face you again.”  And when the tears come remember that you were strong enough to face it then; you’ll make it through today.

Reading through Caitlyn Siehl’s “Crybaby” today and relishing each word.  She has such an ability to put tenderness and thought into each sentence.  Here is an excerpt from her book.

“A God Eats -By Caitlyn Siehl

Dreaming, now, of God eating

the sun

His sun.

He unhinges his jaw, swallows it whole like a serpent.

And then

There is no light.  Not a single fire to be seen on any stretch of grass

God eats the flames, too.  Wishing

to be bigger than any of the stories.

If I were a story, I’d be the one that saves you when God comes to eat the yellow star

from your throat.

I’d be the

torch that sends him back to the blackness

that he wants to put inside of you.

I’d tell the darkness to keep its hands off you.  Not because I own you

But because nothing does.”

 

And here is my own thought for the day.

 

Q.

“I still remember what it felt like

To be taught that my sadness is more beautiful than my anger

Fuck

I am a power to be reckoned with and you were afraid of me burning

You were afraid that when I burned the fire would like your darkness

Would light your darkness

And seething we would pull your skeleton hand out of the wreckage

And you would still be holding on

Your face to cover your lies

Money is a poor excuse for love mother

You withheld it when you were angry

Now I burn it to cover your holes

Your wedding dress is dipped in the anguish of the children you buried in your emptiness

The blood of the heart and soul you could never have

I want to shed my skin

But really I want to shed you

Layer by layer

Cell by cell

Until your ravaging no longer deforms my face into a permanent wall of tears

Until I am fire

And you are ash”

 

 

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